Most EVE podcasts suck assholes.
Yes, we love the BOZOKast. A question we always get is “What do you think about the other EVE podcasts?” Obviously we feel BOZOKast is the fucking best because if wer thought there was one as good or better, we wouldn’t waste our time doing our own. But mainly we don’t talk about others we like because it is so much easier and funner to talk about stuff you hate. So for all those asking, here is a completely unbiased BOZO rating of other EVE podcasts.
To set this up. I really really want to like other EVE podcasts. Today I decided to load up the MP3 player with the slew of of EVE podcasts that are out there (including ours) and listen to two episodes of every one and post a small review on our site and how they stack up directly against our podcast.
To keep this as unbiased and fair as possible, I loaded up two episodes of of each podcast. From the middle portion of a random season. I kept them paired together and made a podcast play list and I forced myself to listen to each one all the way thru no matter how much I wanted to stab my fucking ears out and tie my balls and neck up and hang myself to death in a closet.
The reviews below are not in order of suck, they are in order they were listened to. Links are provided to the podcasts that are worth a shit, the rest can go fuck themselves and you shouldn’t bother.
Review: Declarations of War (Noir.)
Boring. Intro music was faggoty standard issue EVE podcast bullshit. You make even your good fights sound boring. It is more entertaining to look at your KB and just imagine how it happened cause when you guys describe it makes me glad I wasn’t there. Also stop playing background music OVER FUCKING EVERYTHING. Turn on some good quality talk radio, some NPR or something fade that shit out and let the voices shine through. Some of you guys sound all timid and shit on the mic too which I can’t understand for 10+ episodes. Overall this shit sucked and bored me to death. Best part was deleting the files from my MP3 player.
Summary: Waste of time and bandwidth. Don’t listen to it unless you’re a Noir. fanboi or in the corp and are just looking to jerk each other off and rub it on your nipples because this isn’t entertaining for the outsider at all. Not Recommended.
Review: The Planet Risk Show
Mildly entertaining when compared to some others in the list, but when compared to the BOZOKast, this thing sucked shit. A bit better intro, but then it went down hill with some technoish faggy shit. They also decided to do the lets play fucking music for ever to distract you from how poor the podcast actually is. There is a reason I turn off the environment fucking sounds when I play EVE, I don’t want it in my podcasts! Fade it in and out! Their description of encounters were better than some, but you’ll want to stop listening after 20 minutes of this shit.
Summary: Turn this in to 15-30 minute max podcast and it won’t suck as much shit because if you troll through the 3-hours of suicide educing drivel you’ll maybe pick up 30 minutes of good content and that is being generous. Not Recommended.
Review: PODDED Podcast
Intro was good. They do the background effects properly; Other shows please listen to how and when they fade it in and out and then copy them so you can do it properly you fucking assholes. The content itself is mostly work safe so for the most part I found it mildly entertaining at best, but they move quickly from topic to topic at a pace that keeps me from hitting the [X] even without the quantity of poop, mom, and cock jokes I’d like to hear. The accuracy of the content for the most part is good and I didn’t want to razor blade my asshole after listening.
Summary: Well put together, good quality, and well edited. Not my cup of tea, but this is a BOZO approved podcast. Recommended.
Review: Missions Collide
Intro was short and good. They plugged some $$$ making sponsor shit, I like that even if the hosting company they promote is shit. For carebears this was actually more entertaining that the sorry excuse for a podcast of some of the others I listened to. They made their ISK making, PvP attempts, and carebearing exploits sound interesting. They spent just enough time on each topic without lingering too much. Much like PODDED it was a little too tame for my taste and I felt like it was in lack of some good ol’ fashion smack.
Summary: I would call it boring, but not shit like Drone Bay or the Noir podcast. I can deal with boring because it just means their subject matter isn’t relating to me. The British guy is better than the EDIT: Canadian prick. Recommended w/ Reservations.
Review: Warp Drive Active
They haven’t done a new one in a while (as of this blog post), but I still included them cause they did a lot of them. Usually shitty intros. Another one who really violates the music playing the whole fucking time they talk, fucking awful. Also the content is just COAD and the News and Dev blog RSS recorded in annoying voices. They aren’t funny and their jokes are boring and dry whether you’re from the US or a limey from the UK. Maybe it is a good thing they haven’t done one in a while cause they are shit.
Summary: Don’t waste your time. You’d be better off playing techno while you rape your sister. Not Recommended.
Review: Fly Reckless
I am really tired of these fucking podcasts and typing this blog post by now. So I’ll make these last few quick. I this one is OK … like fucking a fat ugly chick, I mean you’re still getting fucked right? Not super annoying. Doesn’t suck shit out of my asshole like the Noir podcast or WDA. Looking forward to WTFFTW.
Summary: Good enough to not make you kill yourself and listen again. Recommended w/ Reservations.
Review: The Drone Bay
This thing is straight fucking garbage. Boring circle jerking by people who aren’t even awesome. I hope they all pile in to a van and get killed in car crash.
Summary: Save yourself from a early death via suicide, skip this worthless pile of shit. Not Recommended!
Review: MicroWarp: Cast (It’s dead, but we hate CrazyKinux)
Hosted by a giant faggot. His Canadian accent on radio makes you want smack yourself in the face with a hammer. The content is dry, boring, and uninteresting. It will also take anything that had potential to be interesting and turn it in to useless pile of shit. It is a couple years out of date now, but the site for it is still up so I wanted to slam it just because it sucks so hard. I’m glad this piece of shit failed and only did three episodes.
Summary: This type of awful pile of shit is the reason the BOZOKast exists. To make up for extra shit suck this causes the internet my making it more awesome! Oh right, Not Recommended!
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 04:16
I can’t believe I actually listened to all those fucking podcasts. Honestly the worst part was sitting through all the fucking horrible ones since 80% of them sucked horse shit. I should get a fucking medal and cookies for this.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 05:04
I’m glad you did this so I didn’t have to wonder if I was missing anything. I mean, I pretty much knew I wasn’t, but now I love BOZOKast even more.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 13:35
Apparently the crappy guy from Missions Collide is Canadian, it has been corrected. Also the Drone Bay review was so short because it was just that awful.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 16:34
“You’d be better off playing techno while you rape your sister.”
Someone asked me what I was laughing at from the next cube over. Unfortunately I couldn’t share the line above with him so I just said “a funny chain email”. Thanks for that.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 17:33
Thanks for the review. Will definitely try and a arrange some sort of guest thing or Bozokast/podded show (we did one with fly reckless ages ago and it was a good laugh). Ill try and remember to send you a EvE mail this weekend to get the ball(s) rolling.
On a side note, When are you guys gonna upload to Itunes, i know its a faggoty ass program but it would make life a whole lot easier.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 18:03
Yeah, we’ve submitted to iTunes a few times and for some reason they keep rejecting them. I did a run down of their reason’s a podcast maybe rejected from iTunes and I honestly can’t see why ours keeps getting denied.
1) Strong prevalence of sexual content.
2) Use of explicit language in the title or description of the podcast.
You can add the BOZOKast to your iTunes all by yourself by going to your Advanced Menu, selecting Subscribe to Podcast and entering the following URL: http://clownpunchers.net/feed/podcast
Posted on January 9th, 2010 at 00:21
All those podcasts in one sitting? You’re crazier than I thought you were…
Posted on January 10th, 2010 at 00:29
hell even the Noir killboard looks like total ass. What is that? Anima characters? Ohh a metrosexual chick/dude holding a gun, NEAT-O! Lack luster kills from a shit corp which understandably translates over to their shit covered podcast.
LOL Drone bay, seriously, it sounds like someone just took a fist full of fucking Diazepam before planning and recording that shit on a piece of cardboard from a Count Chocula cereal box.
Ok Yes EvE is set in the future but that doesn’t mean you have stick yourself into ONLY playing techno music.. all the time, fuck. Buffer music, I could accept that but not with you talking over it. The last WDA podcast, that kind of techno, I’m pretty sure that’s the music men listen to before they pop some rhohip and fuck each other.
Posted on January 10th, 2010 at 08:52
Good shit. I’m sure Tolarus mom will give you a lot more than cookies as a reward.
Still not going to listen to any of the other bullshit podcasts tbh.
looking forward to more bozostuff.
Posted on January 11th, 2010 at 06:56
Ok, I retract my retraction. There was something weird going on and my comment for Unknown Eve is showing again. So yeah, Unknown Eve is a podcast that doesn’t such assholes, their interview with the titan pilot was kinda funny, listen to it.
http://unknowneve.podbean.com/
Posted on February 16th, 2010 at 01:24
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