Version 2.something.1

Well its way over due that we get back into the habit of sharing the ridiculous amount of idiots we destroy and those who think they know how to fit their ships. You might think that with the wealth of knowledge out there along with a certain degree of common sense that seeing examples like the following wouldn’t be that common, well you would be wrong.

*This Tempest will help me to better protect my valuables in 0.0!

*Why completely fit a ship when empty slots make you fly faster

*Ahh yes, the vaunted shield tanked, multi-spec, salvaging, cyno falcon!
(You can see how emotional Gentlemen’s Club really are in the comments)

*Why just focus on armor or shield when you can have best of both worlds

*I think you forgot something

*Why fit and fly it or use a jump freighter when you can just haul it in a defenseless Industrial ship

*LOL more multi-specs, that code breaker should also come in handy with PvP
(yes even after they hid from us in a POS for 45 minutes they still brought this to the fight)

*Throwing isk into a ship wont make you a better pilot

*I’m not exactly sure what sensor type this ship uses but this one says it covers them all

*The value of this ships hull alone will make it more affective in The PvP

We have officially declared May the month of mayhem when it comes to ship fittings. But never in the history of BOZO, well the exception being sCorched dirt, have we come across a bigger cluster fuck than Chaotic Evolution who are apparently standing ”toe to toe” with us at the moment. Here are just a few examples of their The PvP greatness.

Most expensive Kestrel in EvE

Yes, anchor those guns while we’re shooting your tower

”Look at my bullshit fit! Woooo!”

and he came back

These empty fittings are just extra

Ass beating by bombers

”I like shield mods”

“Rigs will make me a better pilot”

These CPUs will help

And there was a great gnashing of teeth

ok, the best way to do this is to click here. Theres no way I can post every worthless fit these pilots fly. Feel free to browse the list and pick any random ship you want. 99.9% of them will be fit for failure.

fits that should have been flushed

goddamn its been busy lately, I know Im missing a few but these are more fine examples of epic failure fits and a few random retards thrown in to add some flavor.

his scout jumped in and got popped 5 minutes before this dumbass. Nice loot, we’ll take it!

“Im taking my things and… FUCK!”

“Go big or go… MOM!”

“I can fly the battleships now! I will perform The PvP! Hear my guns Roar!!!!”

Veritas Immortalis approved fits
Pro Fit One
Pro Fit Two
Pro Fit Three
Seriously?

and anoth… wait, a warp scrambler on a Cerb? where have I seen that before?

oh here it is, and a faction warp scrambler no less. Neat!

I can make it!

Mixing capital and lower case letters in your corp name does not make you smart

Fuck You! I don’t need any goddamn guns!

Empty low slots make you faster

Failed… at life

Bad Touch

Been awhile since we’ve done one of these. Now that we’re all settled into our new home the locals have been providing us with much laughter. Here are just a few examples of the complete failure others involuntarily provide us with for our viewing entertainment and we pass them on to you.

I dont worry about the ship bonuses if I squeeze enough isk into this bullshit fit

Pro Fit Helios

“Look Mom! Fit for failure! Mom, Meatloaf, Fuck!”

That stab didnt protect your worthless faction ship

Oh sooo close! Just one more stab and he would have made it

Why fly it, when you can haul it through null sec

“These will keep me safe, no one can stop me… MOM!”

Seems to be a reoccurring theme here in The Syndicate

What the fuck guys, seriously?

At the rate these killmails are coming in we might have to start doing weekly editions of CCK

So we get some intel that there’s a hostile Rifter en route to Hemin, possibly scouting a pod. We’re preparing for a fleet (having just returned from a different roam), but we figure, hey, extra kill, right? A few of us snuff out our post-coital cigarettes and proceed to the appropriate gate. Rifter escapes, as the phallic Minmatar inter-constellation gates are not friendly to interdictor bubbles, and we think nothing else of it. We do note, however, that this particular pilot has followed us home from the previous roam, ostensibly to bask in something he doesn’t see much – victory.

Our fifteen-man battlecruiser fleet heads out on the never-ending search for Face-Raping, complete with our Scorched Earth Rifter Escort, who probably thinks he’s leading us into the maw of our untimely demise. We make some half-assed attempts to catch the guy (Ashen Darksabre, whose hobbies include sipping clamato out of brandy snifters and cutting himself to Papa Roach albums), but his hull is slick with the viscous seed of other men, and he eludes us. Hopefully he realized we were already heading toward Wicked Creek without his help when I (the scout) passed him.

Upon entering F-QQ5N, I find an eighteen-man Scorched Earth gang ammassed on the gate. Their bubbling amuses me as I decloak well out of the warp disruption zone and wander away, unmolested. The buffet of ships includes a Nidhoggur and a Nighthawk, which immediately tighten the pants of many a BOZO. For now, our Rifter pilot, who is probably pleasuring himself with hot wax and a hamster at the thought of delivering unwary prey into the waiting hands of his fleet, is nowhere to be found.

A few more Scorched Earth appear in local, and the number finally tops out at 23. Not the worst odds we’ve engaged, by far. Our FC makes the call. We jump in, only to have this totally brand-new, never-before-seen, staggeringly ingenious block of text greet us in Local:

Destrim >

╔╗╔═╦╗
║╚╣║║╚╗
╚═╩═╩═╝

╦╦╔╗ ╔╗ ╦╔╗╔╗╔╗
║║╚╗ ╠╣ ║╠╣╠╣╠╝
╩║╚╝ ║║ ║║╚║║║

I try to avoid creaming my panties upon catching sight of this incredibly original and rarely-seen high-sec import.

Begin PVP. We manage to take down a number of ships, and considering how heavy Scorched Earth was rolling, we should’ve been easily decimated. Many of our Drakes escaped unscathed, despite Scorched Earth’s bubbling, neuting, ganking efforts. Battle Summary for F-QQ5N, 05:25 – 05:33.

Speaking of gank, after my Claw was neuted and popped, I found my pod targeted by an Armageddon. Regardless, I managed to motor out of the bubble at a whopping 170 m/s and warp away. I hope the stupidity of targeting a pod when there are still battlecruisers trying to teabag you, not to mention the incredible impotence of failing to actually POP said capsule, is not lost on my dear readers.

More hilarity in Local at the end of the fight:

Hatch > gf
Minmarius > gf
DeAngelica > gf
Ashen Darksabre > untarget m!

Apparently our wayward Rifter pilot jumped into what was previously the fray a bit late, and found himself targeted by his own corpmates. Wouldn’t want to actually be IN the fight, would we? Perhaps he was supposed to be on the field, assisting with tackle, instead of rubbing one out at the thought of finally being permitted to use the kneepads when orally satisfying his FC. Or perhaps Scorched Earth just uses the default overview settings – another fine high-sec import. It’s been a good year.

I’m still amused by the number of enemies we have who feel they need command/capital ships to defeat us, even when they already outnumber us. Scorched Earth runs at the sight of a BOZO gang with numbers equal to its own, although we’ve done them the courtesy of intentionally entering dead-end systems and waiting for them to assemble a bigger fleet, just to get a fight out of them. What can I say? It’s hard to PVP with people who run away from you. We have to make ourselves look creamy and supple, like an eight-year-old’s thigh, to entice a battle.

I look forward to our next engagement with Scorched Earth. Their cowardice and general ineptness always manage to brighten my day.

Its been awhile since we’ve done one of these, but we have collected a few for your viewing enjoyment. More of those “What in the hell was the thinking that went into this” fits.

Look at me! I’m the King of the Salvagers! Toot Toot!

I am a probing, hauling, shield tanked, recon flying man! Woooooooo!

These ECCMs will protect me, so will this empty mid slot and having absolutely no missile ammo!

Sweet, they dont have a bubbler, No one can catch me… ever!

Scorched Earth's FC

Take a look at this battle summary. Seems pretty one-sided, right? It was indeed, but not simply because we outnumbered Scorched Earth. There was no gatecamp ambush for them to jump into, nor an onslaught of ECM, nor even a sweaty, odiferous man offering candy from the interior of his dim, dank, windowless van.

No, this engagement involved fighting SE on a gate, where they proceeded to provide a steady stream of cannon fodder. One after another they warped in from elsewhere in the system, wave after wave of two or three ships, allowing us to gorge ourselves on loot and tears. Some managed to warp out, only to return and explode under our rain of fire. Apparently our Atron was primaried at some point when one of the larger groups managed to organize itself (by “larger” I mean about four), but beyond that none of us were primaried long enough to take significant damage, if primaries were even called.

The kicker is that SE knew full well our fleet composition and location. I can only assume the value of the Fleet Warp is lost on them. Some have speculated that there was, in fact, no Fleet Commander on the SE side. Still others claim that SE’s Equal-Opportunity Employment Policy is to blame for the slew of retards being led to the slaughter. Whatever the reason, I don’t think we’ve ever laughed so hard during combat.

After the leisurely buffet of kills and laughter dried up, and we’d all regained our composure, we continued on our roam as planned. Just two jumps out (counting the gate we’d engaged on), our scout informed us that SE was massing a fleet behind us. Assuming they were out for revenge and perhaps wanting to rectify their humiliation, we turned around to re-approach the scene of their embarrassing defeat, hoping for a real fight.

There was, however, no second engagement, as SE proceeded to scatter as soon as their scout informed them of our imminent return. They had assembled a perfectly adequate fleet to counter ours. They even outnumbered us the second time, but alas, there was no battle to be joined. Like a pack of adorable little puppies, with tails between legs, they retreated, crying, “We were just kidding!” Perhaps they were hoping to later say they’d run us off, that we’d taken the easy kills and run home with the loot before the “real” fight could begin. Any hope of that was summarily squashed underfoot, much like the piles of crap they left after shitting themselves in panic. That shoe is still sitting outside, by the way.

Here’s a little advice for Scorched Earth: trying to exhaust the enemy by launching wave after wave of troops only works when you have MORE GUYS than your foe. They might’ve had a chance to dispatch one or two more of us if they’d all arrived simultaneously, but given their “tactics” and behavior, it was probably for the best that they turned tail the second time. Don’t worry, guys. There’s always high-sec.

Two different killboards on the same battle.

Killboard 1
B.L.A.C.K. Killboard; Battle for Tuesday, December 23rd

Killboard 2
Foundation Killboard; Battle for Tuesday, December 23rd

Looks like someone got their shit pushed in… again. This might explain why we havent seen BLACK around Curse much lately. Well unless you count the few times they hid behind CORPVS DELICTI and Sc0rched Earth and managed to whore onto some killmails while someone else did all the work.

Good to see that BLACK is still receiving positive reinforced feedback that indeed, they still suck balls. Still waiting for you douche bags to “bring it” but I guess you’ve been too busy getting your asses beat, forum trolling, trying to flame our recruitment thread and making yourselves look like the spineless fags you really are with your CAOD post crying about too many Titans.

Maybe if you can get your mouths off the blue cock blowing train long enough to look us up sometime, you cupcakes can “bring it” well, as long as we dont have too much ECM for you, your not holding less than a 3:1 advantage against us, or dont have the pilots needed to hot drop those 12 carriers on us… oh I mean 11 carriers.

If this whole NC group hug thing thats going on the Curse were to take a moment and think about it, well they should really cut you guys out of the action. The only reason you have your face buried so deeply into their crotch is you’re hoping that you’ll get a taste of Catch again, while they do all the hard work. You couldn’t hold onto it before and should never be allowed that kind of responsibility again. Look us up when you can stand on your own without having to hide behind some real PvPers.

Love and kisses from your pals in BOZO
XXXOOOXXX

LOL and if you think we take any part of this game seriously then you must have even bigger issues.

Intro

So a brief history for those who may not know. B.L.A.C.K. is composed of the remnants of the once mighty IAC. Having been forcefully ejected from Catch by AAA they moved to Curse where they quickly dismantled what was left of IAC to hide their shame and formed B.L.A.C.K. alliance.

Having repeatedly referred to us as Fags for living in NPC stations, this twist of irony has come back on them ten fold. They now reside in the same NPC stations we’ve called home. B.L.A.C.K. appears to be very bitter and has been having some great difficulty adjusting to the “Fag” life.

So stripped of the ability they once had of forming massive fleets to address our periodic incursions into their former ‘empire’ which would always take them around 2+ hours to assemble a fleet large enough to number no less than a 3:1 advantage in their favor. They no longer have a mass number of pilots, now they have to ‘work’ at the PvP and based on our fights with them in the recent past, they have been struggling.

The Night of December 18th; B.L.A.C.K. Fleet Inbound! LOL

Ah yes, now this is what you have been waiting for. So we had just returned from a short roam where we ended up ganking the hell out of a Paxton Alliance gang in VOL, We were flying mostly BC’s and a few recons. We returned to 5E and received word of a gang of around 30+ B.L.A.C.K. in the area. We decide to drop off the loot from the previous battle and undock to wait at a deep safe until we could get further intel and ship types on their gang.

Keeping in mind that we had called for our pilots to take a brief bio and smoke break. A few minutes later scouts report that B.L.A.C.K. is entering VOL, numbers are confirmed and they are mostly heavy (battleships)

Their scout enters 5E, there were only about 7-8 of us undocked at the time, the rest of our pilots were still on a break and slowly returning to their keyboards. B.L.A.C.K. main body enters 5E and warps to station, then attempts to smack us in local

[ 2008.12.19 04:01:26 ] Armadaus Baldwin > Hay look, they docked up

lol then they proceeded to call us out while 60% of our pilots were afk. So after a few minutes they decided they’ve pushed their luck and quickly leave local headed for ARG.

Now its important for you to note that they had no less than 32 ships, a large number of which were battleships. We had switched to BS’s as well to help some in our favor seeing as we had around 20 pilots in our gang. Thats an advantage of 12 in favor of B.L.A.C.K. ahhah They were getting very upset and emotional at this point because as a rule, we avoid fighting on stations which is a tactic they use all the time.

Also, we make them fight on our terms, not theirs. We pull the strings and they react, and it pisses them off 100% of the time. The PvP!

So, we get our pilots back together and form up to head after them. We enter Scalding Pass and start heading the long way around towards HLW (via H-ADOC) when one of our scouts locates them in K7. We form up on the K7 gate in S-E. Scout reports they are heading to the S-E gate in K7. Sweet they are going to attack. Nope! Shortly after they land on the gate they scatter like roaches. A few of our members were in contact with them begging them to attack, after all they had more numbers, but instead they ran like the bitches they are. Their excuse? We had to much ECM. ahahhahahhah

So heart broken by their typical behavior we reluctantly head back to 5E. Some of us are still in contact with them reminding them they were cowards and then we receive info from them that they are heading towards us and want to fight us this time FOR REALS!

We are still laughing on ventrilo and hearing this we knew that could only mean one thing, capital ships would be making an appearance soon. So we get new intel that they are again in VOL only this time with fewer ships. Again laughter on ventrilo erupts and some of us begin placing bets on how many carriers we would be seeing shortly.

Their gang enters K-B, we are formed up on the K-B gate in 5E. We had lost 2 pilots who had to log so now we were down a few more ships. They jump into 5E and we begin the attack with full knowledge of what was about to happen. Sure enough no less than a minute into the fighting they panic and there goes their cyno. Boom! not two or six carriers but TWELVE.
Screen Shot.

We pop a B.L.A.C.K. Raven shortly after the caps arrive and then call for a deagro to avoid giving them any easy kills with The PvP. They manage to pop a BOZO Scorpion before our gang on the gate is able to safely jump through and away from B.L.A.C.K.s horrible attempt at ganking us. Then, trying to grasp at straws, they tried to accuse up of deagroing prior to the capital ships entering the fight. LOL

They totally fear us, as has been repeatedly proven time and again. Fear us so much so that even when they first had superior numbers and firepower they still ran and had to grab as many cap ships as they could to try to beat us. They failed, which is something Im sure they are more than use to these days.

With their pathetic attempt to gank us they only managed to (barely) break even. With all the cap ships they had they should have done better, but then again this is B.L.A.C.K. Alliance we are talking about here. We face raped their Raven right in front of them and their carrier support and took minimal losses in return.

This only goes to prove that you can take the pilots out of I.A.C. but you cant take I.A.C. out of the pilots.

Battle Summary

Its not so much that this guy fired off a series of hate mails after getting his sorry ass handed to him. SI RedLeg has the loudest mouth of all the Black Plague pilots and yet never seems to be around much unless he’s spotted running his mouth at the rear of a large fleet or while hand holding the Sendaya gate in Doril.

He enjoys talking smack, calls us cowards because we use Falcons and SI RedLeg always whines that we are “blob fags” and we have no PvP skills. Got to love the fucking irony there.

Well he wasn’t able to run away this time, and some of us managed to give him a little well overdue payback for all the smack talk he’s thrown up in local in the past. Then he hands us this gem. You can actually track his emotional meltdown progression in 10 minute intervals

2008.11.06 04:23 SI RedLeg
dude you guys are blob fags, when you actually kill us on a straight up fight then you can talk shit. BUT we know you fags suck so suck my balls!

2008.11.06 04:34 SI RedLeg
One cheap ass kill hope you feel like a big man…You really suck tbh

2008.11.06 04:47 SI RedLeg
SERIOUSLY i DONT POST THERE AND RANK 3000 PEOPLE BETTER THAT YOU. NEWB? MUST BE YOU BECAUSE IT PARSES KILLS FROM ALOT OF KILLBOARDS. DUDE FACE FACT YOU ARE ALL HOT AIR AND SUCK. COME LOOK ME UP WHEN YOU HAVE A PAIR OF NUTS SWEET PEA

RRRARARRARRARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!11 LOL!

SI, let me enlighten you. yeah we lose ships sometimes, but we aren’t bigots about it, like you are, we don’t scream in local when someone uses the same tactics we use (see the falcons link above) and most importantly, we don’t get all emotional about it and fire off temper tantrum EVE mails filled with tears and rage. These points alone make us better than you’ll ever be on many different levels. Now pop in a tampon, take a god damn Mydol, and chill the fuck out before you blow a blood vessel in one of your eyes ffs. Dont be such a big fucking baby, Black Plague has enough trouble with their lame ass reputation without you helping to lower it further.

I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile. This dumb ass just doesn’t get it. Listen SI, we will continue to drop rape trains on your mentally unstable ass every chance we get. Fuck you and your fair fights, look at the history of combat you idiot, its about smashing the other guys nuts in a car door with whatever you have on hand. What, you want us to tell some of our pilots that they “cant play the EVE right now because we’re going to fight Black Plague and if too many of us show up they will get upset”…?

Its the same bullshit you hear from other suck ass corps. “Your not real PvPers because you brought more internet spaceships than we have, we lost so you suck!” LOL fuck you SI

Also, I want to thank you again for sharing your anger with the rest of us just because your pals from the Priory or the Russians weren’t there to bail your sorry ass out this time. Keep it up. You seem to enjoy dishing it out but can’t take it when its coming back at you. SI, your offically a complete fucking tool.

/Tolarus